Rape Is Not Cool

I just can't believe all the things people say...controversy. - Prince 

Ok, I don’t like to talk politics, but I feel I have to come out and say that I am against rape.  I know I am risking a lot by speaking out here, but people need to know that rape is bad.

Now, hear me out.  I’m not a radical extremist or anything.  I realize that rape is not mentioned in the Constitution.  In fact, it is not even mentioned in the Ten Commandments.  And I’m not saying we should turn society upside down, uprooting it from all traditions.  But there is absolutely no reason we cannot encourage rape reduction through private action.  We should also enact strict anti-rape laws at the state level, even if laxer rape legislation in other states causes us an exodus of population and business.  This is a moral imperative, and we must stand by it regardless of consequences. 

Besides, I believe we can make up for this by offering a negative tax rate to businesses and observing the sanctity of freedom of contract.  Just as Robert Nozick stated that a truly free society would allow a person to sell himself into slavery, a truly free society should allow a person to sell her (or his...let’s have no accusations of sexism, thank you, because I am not sexist...as is proven by my having written it) right to full bodily sovereignty.  We therefor cannot interfere in cases where an employee has consensually entered a contract.  To do otherwise is Stalinism.

We do, however, need to keep a balance between competing absolute categorical imperatives.  A robust economy is vital to the welfare of the citizens of the greatest city in the history of mankind, with the greatest sports franchise in the history of mankind, in the greatest state in the history of mankind, in the greatest country in the history of mankind, with the bitchingest god in the history of mankind.  Certain persons of exceptional freedomness and libertotality have amassed disproportionately large shares of freedom capital for themselves through there superior utilization of liberty (bequeathed them by their libertastic ancestors) and confidence gamesmanship market understanding.  Their example shines like a beacon of light and cascades monetary drizzle, creating jobs for the more libertarded mud people who must nonetheless feed their children, though their chances at a freedomtastic liberlife is small.  Without these fantastic superpatriot liberty-royals, there would be no economy and the mud people would have to subsist without their interference help.  For this reason, we must balance the needs of the children against the needs of the raped and allow that if these super awesome freedomliscious liberty super parasites patriots are convicted of a rape, they pay a statutory fine of $200,000 in lieu of a prison sentence.  The fines will go into a fund for faith initiatives, where surely anti-rape education will be reinforced. 

Please help get the word out about rape.  Educate yourself and talk to your friends and family.  Together we can libertarily freedom the shit out of rape and wish it away with utopian ethics.

Thank you for your time.

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