Crazy Shit I've Heard Real People Say (and Context Doesn't Make It Less Crazy)

• I need my hands! For work.
• God exists because computers aren’t afraid to die.
• I don’t believe in God because I’m afraid of Hell.
• Wow, birds are aerodynamic.
• I thought stickball was something they made up in movies.
• I don’t like The Rolling Stones.
• I’m tired of being banged around. I don’t want to be an airplane!
• States’ Rights. (I thought I had rights.  Apparently I don't, New York does.)
• I know you're clean, you always smell like soap.
  
• A spy plane stole my PIN.
• I know how to go into people’s dreams, but I would never do it.
• That’s [Hodgkin’s disease] not good for her health.
• Three dollars? I can make three dollars talkin’ to a bitch!